Now, I say this on behalf of all women everywhere…how annoying is it when you have a wedgie in a public place!? Despite being surrounded on all fronts by platoons of people, the temptation to throw your code of public decency out of the nearest window and to just go for it and de-wedge suddenly becomes overwhelming. For those of you who, at one point or another, be it in a library or at a bus stop, have found yourselves in this controversial and delicate predicament, and have indeed made the brave (and hygienic) decision to de-wedge, I salute you! Nevertheless, those who have stuck it out until they have sat down or become out of sight, I salute you also!
It is not the discomfort that this common phenomenon can cause, it also has psychological effects. Sufferers endure 5 stages of emotion, beginning with Shock. Upon realisation of this event, it is difficult to conceal one’s facial expression. “Jesus, what on earth was that!?” The next, Disbelief. “This CANNOT be happening to me right now…it’s not that bad”. This is swiftly followed by Anger. “How DARE my underwear behave in this way!? After the kindness I have shown it with the use of biological soap-powder!? Words shall be had”. After this comes Depression. “THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER, I WANT MY MUMMY! WAAAH”, and finally, Acceptance. “Well, I guess that’s it then. I have a genuine wedgie. Might as well do what I gotta do…”. As well as these 5 stages, there also comes Anxiety. “Oh god, can anyone actually tell? Am I walking weird, does my walk make me look like I HAVE a wedgie!?!” No to mention, Bargaining. “Please don’t let this be happening to me…God, if you’re there…?”.
Everyone, at some point or another, has experienced this phenomenon. Be it in the comfort and privacy of their own home, or the awkward, open atmosphere of a house party. No matter where or when you find yourself with this problem, my advice to you is to stay calm and to take the plunge and just go for the de-wedge. Life is too short to experience that kind of discomfort just for the sake of appearances! Go ahead, release your inhibitions!