Awkward Moment #8: Love and Flumps

As you may have guessed from my most recent blog post, I have sweet-tooth-itis. It develops early in many children, as it did in my case with the assistance of my grandmother. For years, she would pick me up from school on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (but never Wednesdays because that was laundry day) and walk me the 4 and a half-minute stroll from primary school to my doorstep. I’d get in, go up to my room and every single time I would find a mars bar and a flump sitting on my desk. And that, my friends, is the most wondrous sight an eight year old can ever be greeted with. After consuming both, I’d get changed, start my homework and watch the Simpsons before my folks returned home. It was some good times.

Life was so much easier when all I needed was Love and Flumps. But now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure that if all I had in the world was love and flumps, I’d probably be ok.

I went to lunch today with one of my dearest friends, and we chatted about life, travelling, boys, books, writing and even the weather. I was in the middle of telling a story, vividly illustrated with hand gestures, when three small grains of rice decided they had nothing left to live for, and promptly attached themselves to a mouthful of air as I inhaled. I coughed and choked, a noise that can only be compared to the sneezing panda. Naturally, my friend burst into fits of laughter, and after I could breathe normally again, I did as well. The waiter behind the bar looked alarmed for a split second, but stifled a giggle.

At a later point in the conversation, I managed to drop various items of cutlery onto the floor. Getting more and more exasperated with my clumsiness, I noted that today was not my day but perhaps it would improve.

It didn’t. I later slammed my foot against a desk in the library. Ou of sheer frustration, I then exclaimed “ALL I BLOODY NEED IS LOVE AND FLUMPS, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!”.

One good thing definitely came of today. My friend couldn’t stop laughing. I guess if you can’t make them laugh with you, laughing at you isn’t so bad…



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