Awkward Moment #23: Mum’s Birthday

If you read my blog regularly, you’ll know that my parents are often at the centre of my stories. This is due to the metric tonnes of comedy gold they churn out every other day. Living with Mum and Dad can be a challenge at times, but more often than not, it’s just a gateway to hilarity.

Mum’s birthday was this week.

Mum’s birthday is arguably the most important one in the family. As the matriarch, it’s vital that we get it right, because it’s Mum, and she deserves the best. This means that it can be a logistical nightmare.

Dad and I have been co-ordinating gifts. I knew he was going for the gift voucher option, always a winner…but I thought it’d be nice for her to have something to unwrap on the morning of her birthday with her cup of tea and the dog wrestling with the wrapping paper. So I picked her up a couple of bits and bobs – a necklace and Suits Season 1 – and wrapped them up ready for Wednesday (her birthday).

It’s Tuesday night. Mum has gone to bed and I’m ebay stalking mic stands, neglecting a bad cup of tea (how hard is it, Dad – a HEAPED teaspoon), when Dad strolls in.

“I’ve, er…I’ve also got something for your Mum to unwrap tomorrow.” He says in a hushed voice. I look up, he looks at me with a sense of gravitas. “Oh?” I reply.

He nods. Gravitas. This is serious.

I close the laptop. “Great, what did you get her?”
He looks around, checks that the coast is clear and looks at me again. His voice is even more hushed than before. “Do you want me to tell you?”

The anticipation is now killing me. What the heck has he bought her? A chocolate house? A car? The moon?

“Yes!!” I whisper, almost overwhelmed with the possibilities. This is great, he’s finally bought her something HUGE. Something that will kick all other birthday presents’ butts.

He leans in. I lean in. Heck, even the dog leans in.

Raising his eyebrows with glee as he tells me, “two, brand new, state of the art…slow closing toilet seats.”


slow closing ts blog


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